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Begone Tho(ugh)t

So I thought about this post a lot and had it all planned out but as soon as I sat down to write I forgot it all. Go figure. Some people who know me really well know that I struggle with my thoughts. People always say that the only thing you can control is yourself and how you react or respond, but what happens when you can’t control what you think? At the core of it, aren’t you, isn’t self, defined by your thoughts? Growing up in the Church most people’s response to anything related to mental health and unwanted thoughts is to “Take that thought captive in Jesus’ name” which like, yes, do that, but they never talk about how exhausting that is and many of the people who say that haven’t been through it or if they did it was a long time ago. Don’t tell me how to handle my brain when you’ve never had your’s try to kill you. Don’t tell me that a prayer and a simple mindshift is going to change anything if you can’t remember tied up and connected it all is. John Green calls it ...
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Bye Fe(ar)licia

Today we are burying Fear for the third time. Yes, yes, I know, it’s sad. He was always there for me. At night when I couldn’t sleep, on the way to school, in the middle of presentations. He was always there. The first time I buried him he was still alive. He laughed. He knew he would be back. The second time I buried him he was weaker. He didn’t laugh. He smiled though, he winked and said “See ya tomorrow”. And he did. I let him stick around for a while. I almost think I missed him. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t miss how cold I felt when he was around. I didn’t miss the unease he brought, I think I missed the fact that he was there. It was like I was never alone. In a sick way, he was kind of a friend. That is, before Peace walked in. Beautiful isn’t the word. She exudes calm. Tranquility radiates off of her. She is the exact opposite of Fear. I don’t feel cold or shaky or sick when she’s around. I feel safe. I know that I’m gonna be alright. She is really ...
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Go Make Your Lightbulb

Einstein tried a billion times to make a lightbulb. He tried over a thousand times and he never gave up.... Can you call this an author’s note if it was made while writing the thing? Well okay yeah I realized as I was typing that that I had the wrong guy, but I thought it was funny so I kept it in there. ANYWAY here’s when I realized it was someone else. EDISON! It was Edison. Okay. Anyway, this guy tried so many times to make a thing that many people didn’t even think they needed. I feel like dialogue went like this; Normal people:“Why ya gotta make light complicated, all I gotta do is light a candle.” Eddy: “But what if you don’t have a candle? Whatcha gonna do then, huh? Wait till the sun comes up? WAIT WHAT IF THE SUN DOESN’T COME UP WHATCHA GONNA DO THEN HUN? THAT’S RIGHT NOTHIN, YOU GONNA DIE!” Something like that. My point is, good ole Eddy slaved over this idea that was so abstract and so out of the box that it almost didn’t even seem needed. But he still did it. H...
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To The Forgotten Ones | The Rebelution

To The Forgotten Ones | The Rebelution I was trying to figure out what to write about the new school year, but I read this post and it pretty much sums up everything. Please check it out. 
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Idek

If a tree falls and no one hears it fall, does it make a sound? We’ve all heard that question, but I’ve never really bothered with it cuz yall the tree fell. I don’t care if it made a sound or not, but it fell. Maybe no one heard it fall, but it must’ve given warning signs? Maybe there were bugs that were making it sick. Maybe it drowned. Maybe it needed water. Maybe it needed light, or maybe the light burned it up. But before it fell, it had a problem. And that problem made it weak. Its leaves lost color. Its bark was less barky. Then it starts to lean, sometimes slowly others quickly but it leans. And then it bends. And then it starts to snap. You hear it, the pop. THEN it falls. I don’t really care if it made a sound when it fell, it made enough sounds before that no one noticed. Same goes for people. If something happens to someone, everyone debates and blames the trivial. Did they make a sound when they fell? Does that even matter?? Maybe they left small clues before they fe...
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Second Second Semester Life

So I was looking through my old posts and realized I haven't talked about this semester at all. Which is really unfair because it's been fun.  My first class is Drama (no, not the bad kind, the actual class). I really love the teacher and the kids in there. It can get a little stressful, but it really is so much fun, I'm definitely gonna try for the next class. Mrs. Long is a wonderful woman, she really makes that class feel like a family. She's also very understanding and she really does care about us kids. (even if she dress codes you for wearing a unicorn onesie, which isn't technically pajamas but it's close enough, she was just doing her job). We do lots of skits, plays and improv in that class. It's a writer/directors paradise. At the beginning of the year I had one friend in there and now I'd say I have at least 4 friends and know everyone.  My second block is World History. Originally, I had Honors, but if you know me at all, you know that hi...
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Spring Break Thoughts

IT’S SPRING BREAAAKKK Yup, its already that time of year. Most of my fellow high schoolers are in Florida, prolly smoking weed (or vaping, cuz its *sooo* much better for you), listening to mumble rap and hitting waffle house at 2:37 AM cuz why not. Me, on the other hand. Well, I hung out with one of my best friends for the first two days (if you’re reading this, I totally finished all that candy) and now I’m sitting in my room, alternating between naps, Fairy Tail, making playlists and YouTube. Also, I’ve been going through all my photos from the past year. Photos are time travel, they’re the only kind of “magic” I believe in. When you look at a picture, you remember everything about it. You remember how many shots it took to get the perfect one, you remember the retakes because someone was always messing around. You remember hiding your phone as soon as people realized you were taking pictures (or worse, recording). You remember the sights, smells, sounds, the feelings. You...
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